The Equinox

20101010_5245As I moused over the Google animation this morning to see what the “special occasion” of the day was, an ominous pop-up indicated that it’s the “first day of autumn.”

“Huh,” I mumbled to myself and glanced at my old-school wall calendar, thumb-tacked to my cubicle wall. My eyes scanned to find “September 23,” and there it confirmed the day as the “Fall Equinox.” The official changing of the season. A day where the amount of light and dark are perfectly equal. Balanced. The way I like my life. The way I want my life. The way my life so is not.

I focus on one area, only to neglect another. I finish a half marathon, but my writing halts. I try to be the best mom, while my house falls in a shambles. I hone in on my career as my children clamor to get my attention. Ugh. It seems the more I try to make my pizza crust perfectly round, the more lopsided and out of whack it gets. I wonder if I quit pinching and stretching and just let it “be” that it would just naturally take its proper shape. What? Probably not, but being a pizza it would still taste good. (Another one of my balancing problems!) Don’t worry, I don’t know what I’m talking about either.

Circling back to the fact that today is the first day of autumn, I reflect. How is it possible that it can be autumn already? The summer blew by me. My last post was dated April 29. An entire season went by in virtual silence. Not that anyone probably really cared or even noticed, but still my voice went quiet over the past four months. Why is that? I’d like to say it was because I spent those carefree, summer days running, picnicking, vacationing, relaxing and just plain old having fun. I’m thankful to say it wasn’t because of a failing health problem or some dire family problem or because I didn’t have anything to say (because we all know I always do) . Mostly, it goes back to that whole balance thing. It goes back to my difficulty setting priorities and finding the time to fit them all into my day.

Thus, today, one of two perfectly balanced days of the year, I’m reminded to re-adjust, to reassess and get a bit more balanced. So, that on my evening run when those words form and flow through my mind, afterwards I sit in front of my computer and tap away, capturing them instead of letting them float away. I continue on through the interruptions – my youngest daughter’s shower-singing and my eldest’s request to examine her bug bite – until my thoughts are complete and I click “Publish.”

Here’s to a fall full of “Just Words” from me. (I know you are excited!)

What keeps you on track?

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Watch Me, Mommy! Please!

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Watch Me

“Mom! Mom! MOM!!!!” the girls call to me in unison getting progressively louder.

“What!?” I ask slightly irritated.(To be fair, I am deaf in one ear, so when I am absorbed in something, I really don’t hear them.)

“Watch me!”

They then proceed to show the their cartwheels, dance routine, play or cheer for the tenth time in the last hour.

“Great!” I smile and return to my book, laptop, gardening, laundry or whatever else has preoccupied my mind.

“Mommy!”

“What?” I ask again cranky.

Watch us! Please!

They then start their routine over.

I sigh. Smile wryly and silently ask God for patience.

Does this sound familiar? Or is it just me? Have you ever noticed when you start talking on the phone,, pulling weeds in the garden or reading a good book or writing a blog article, that all of a sudden your children take a special interest in you? Their neediness moves into overdrive, questing for my undivided attention to the point of almost rudeness. As an introvert I need to have a little “me” time to escape into my thoughts and recharge. A time where I don’t have to answer questions or find lost shoes or help with chores or make a PB&J sandwich. I long for interrupted alone time, but lately this time has alluded me. Pushed to my limits of patience, I become a bit “grouchy” and a little “snappy” with them.

Don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with my girls. Working 40 hours a week in my day job, they miss me and I miss them. I enjoy their company, yet also enjoy my own company. I need to find the balance between “mommy” time, “work” time and “wife” time (yes, my husband wants me time too – go figure) and “me” time. My head throbs trying to work it out so everyone gets their “piece” and there is still enough left over for me.

In the past I tried getting up extra early in the morning to carve out that time. Lately though, insomnia’s knocked right on my door around 3 AM, so I’m just falling back asleep when the early alarm goes off. I’m not sure how to solve this problem and am not likely to figure it out this evening as…guess what?

The girls are calling me. They need help feeding their rabbits, getting a Popsicle from the freezer and…

Any ideas? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?